Tuesday Trainer Revelations part 1

For some reason, I write the best blogs in my head when my heart rate is above 165. Its like a drug, I get this out of body type of perspective on my mental state and the closer I am to the race, the more profound the revelation. 31 days out and I'm seeing the beginnings of me sorting out my pre-race mental state....

I had two revelations while on the trainer tonight (while watching Larry the Cable Guy because I just needed to LAUGH and not take myself so seriously!)

Part 1: Managing Expectations

Since qualifying for Kona, I've had so many more people interested in my training and racing. Its really an amazing thing that people care so much and I have so many patients, friends and family eager to track me on race day. The funny thing is, the less people know about the sport, the greater the expectations they have for me. I find myself almost daily explaining to patients and co-workers that its not about how I place at Kona- its about the fact that I got there. I raced to beat people to get there and now once I'm there, well, racing in Kona is all about experiencing the birthplace and soul of the sport . I will be racing the top 50 women in the world in my age group in Ironman distance triathlon and the true success is being a part of that select group.

But slowly other people's expectations inevitably grind away at me over time. Having to constantly defend myself and reiterate that I'm honored to race Kona and I'm not looking for a top 10 or podium position inevitably leads people to give me that whole "you need to believe in yourself" speech. To which I get somewhat offended because I have believed in myself the entire 11 years that I've been in this sport chasing down the opportunity to race in Kona. Dreams are one thing, but when you are racing a world championship event, a heavy dose of reality is also needed and that's something that people around me less knowledegable about the sport don't have.

Suddenly I feel that I have to reveal more to others about my training and my goals and in return I receive judgements- positive or negative-regarding my goals for the race and my methods in getting there. Suddenly my training is under scrutiny, up for comparison by those who are less confident in themselves and feel the need to compare themselves to me. It's easy to take people's positive attention and turn it into a negative as they scrutinize a little closer than I'm used to or than I care for.

A few years ago I was just that unknown girl from St. Augustine. No one knew me around here and no one expected anything of me and I liked it that way.

I even got the comment (from an awesome girl who I admire greatly) that I "always rise to the occasion and race so well under pressure." Although meant as a compliment, I couldn't help think back to one of the basic fallacies in philosophy: just because the sun has risen every day before now does not mean that it will rise tomorrow. So what if I don't race well? How do I explain to all these people that racing Kona has nothing to do with how I place, who I beat or what time I go?

That's where learning to manage expectations is key. This is when searching within oneself and having deep conviction about my purpose in racing becomes paramount to meeting my definition of success. I'm not racing for anyone else but myself (and those friends who may never get a chance to compete on the hallowed ground of Kona). I have to continue to see in these expectations the joy that people have for me and not take to heart any overly zealous expectations they place upon me. The day that I ever race for any one else's expectations is the day that I will quit racing entirely. I can promise you that.

As for today, I've learned that I CAN manage people's expectations by looking deep within myself and holding my purpose for racing close to my heart.