Finding Peace

5 weeks.

Its taken me about that long to really honestly say that I'm adjusting to life post ironman obsession. I've always maintained that although I'm a triathlete at heart, I wanted to keep one foot grounded in "reality." I think its important to find a balance in life and when I find myself too consumed by any one thing, I try to take a step back and reassess my life balance. To be sure, having Kona ambitions and racing the ironman world championships is a life consuming event- one that I will never forget might I add. But despite the joy I still have for the ENTIRE experience and the process of achieving and living such a huge dream, I find it equally as important (and difficult) to walk away. When you love something a whole lot, sometimes its better appreciated by allowing yourself time away from it.

My goals for life post Kona are all about finding a new equilibrium of mental, physical and spiritual health. My goals are:

To address my enormous muscle imbalances, tend to all the nagging injuries that I just manage on a day to day basis during heavy training loads.

To overhaul my diet not by going on some crazy restrictive diet but by focusing on enjoying a healthy balance of foods and just appreciating having the time to spend in the kitchen to cook.

To learn to eat a normal amount of food and not have to balance out too many calories with increased workout time (this is always a tough one coming off huge training hours!)

To nurture our marriage and spend more time taking trips together that aren't focused on "me" and "my racing."

To enjoy the new freedom to set new goals in my career, life and in sport.

To refocus our marriage and learn to dream together again and to continue to grow together as husband and wife

To grow as a physical therapist, as a wife and in general, as a human being

To find a new sense of normalcy and be content with enjoying sport without having to always push my limits.

To learn to better appreciate good health through sport rather than focusing on a goal time or qualification standard

To become better involved in my church community and in my faith and begin some regular volunteer work

To learn to find peace and calm in the midst of the chaos that is life so I that I can be a better wife to Neil, a better friend, a better PT and a better person

To take hold of my career path and make moves that put me further along the path towards becoming an educator, a PhD candidate and a master clinician who has a small hand in research and public health policy

The list goes on....

But in reality, I'm trying to break my addiction to progress. At the brink of turning 30, I've spent my whole life pursuing the next big thing. College, travel, grad school, marriage, career, ironman... there has always been a pending life goal I've worked towards. And while life is about progress and growth, there must be some time to stop and smell the roses. To be happy with NOW and not waiting on tomorrow. Truth be told, pursuing more athletic progress in the ironman sphere would only take me further away from any sense of balance at this point in my life.

I've sat with all these thoughts the past few weeks and just let myself be ok with the post ironman let down. I had moments where I was ready to sign right back up for the next Mdot and pursue another Kona slot but slowly my new reality has seemed so much brighter and more peaceful. That sense of peace and calm has been my sign that I'm making the right decisions for my life right now.

I'm finding a new place where I'm actually enjoying planning out a workout schedule day by day based on what I FEEL like doing. And more often than not, I feel like just getting out and getting some exercise and enjoying our beautiful fall weather.

Crossfit has been a huge help. For one thing, its now become the center of my workout planning and being around the non-triathlete oriented people in the class has helped me rediscover and redefine the idea of being an athlete. More often than not, I'm discovering the ridiculous weaknesses I have and in just a short period of time, I'm already seeing progress with these weaknesses.

Sometimes life's biggest challenge is to be joyful about where you are at. To truly experience all the wonderful gifts life has given us instead of pursuing the next big thing.